The Noob’s Guide To Oppikoppi

We’ve all heard the stories. The tales of dust clouds that you blow out as if you’re smoking a cigarette when you’re a non-smoker. That one bar at the top of that one hill that you’re extremely likely to bail from as soon as you try coming down from it. The jocks in tutus, and the poppies in some random oke’s jocks that she found on a drunken adventure. The secrets of the dust bowl of Mordor. As a koppi virgin, one might be slightly deterred by the mass of weird info that just hit you in the face. But I’m a special breed of crazy that finds all of this madness highly appealing! Because let’s face it. Any koppi-vet will tell you that that’s the reason why this festival is well worth all of it.


Oppikoppi is around the corner, and this year it’s their 21st birthday (which means that the Fantastic Mr Vos Vos can drink alcohol legally in the US of A!), and we all know what happens at a 21st! And if it’s your first rodeo, well, you’re in for a wild ride. Here at the Grind Radio, we’re all about the fun in the sand. But being the only member of the team that has never been to koppi EVER, I need a little pre game strategy to get me through the dust mostly unscathed.


So, after extensive research (which includes trawling the Internet for a few hours and listening to drunk people speak of the glory days), I’ve compiled a guide for us Koppi virgins that will hopefully make for the most amazing cherry popping experience of one’s life!

  1. You’re not Bear Grills, so bring your gear.

Unless, of course you are Bear Grills (sorry boet), then this STILL applies to you. Essentially, you want to bring a tent, a sleeping bag and pillow, extra blankets (still winter guys) and warm clothes. Northam is basically the middle of nowhere with desert climate so it’s going to be really hot during the day, and really cold at night. There’s no hollowing out the carcass of a camel for this gig so come prepared before hand. Being prepared also means bringing food that won’t go bad after one day.


  1. Safety first, kids.

To avoid waking up next to a random stranger in your tent wearing your clothes, bring a lock to keep your belongings safe when you go off on your foxy adventures.

When it comes to fire at Koppi, remember to keep it below knee height so you don’t end up burning the place down. Also, remember those posters in LO class that told you to “Be Wise, Condomise”? I reckon that’s a handy tip!

  1. Stayin’ aliiiiiiiiiiiiiive!









All of the people and sites that I consulted said the same thing. Stay hydrated! If you’re planning on being intoxicated for the duration of Koppi, invest in those 5 litre jugs of water. I’ve been told that water is a precious commodity at Koppi so bring the Nile river with you if you must, or extra cash to buy bottles of water at the festival. It’s a marathon not a race, so you don’t want to go too hard on day one and be burnt out halfway through day 2. Power naps are key here too!

  1. Leave the Jimmy Choos at home ladies!


This goes without saying really. Dust, Arctic night weather, severely intoxicated people, and thorns are part of the deal so now’s the time to raid your parents’ garage for those gumboots you’ve always looked at with disdain. Or, if you’re a lazy noob like me, just head down to your nearest PnP clothing store for some wellies. They’re comfy, look really cool, and apparently Koppi-proof. The last thing you want to do is ruin your larny shoes, or your larny clothes for that matter. Pack some clothes that you won’t feel too bad about throwing away if need be. Oppikoppi is not fashion week, kids!

  1. Sssssssssssskoon!

oppikoppi oppikoppi








Ever heard of the Koppi Shower? No? It’s simple really. Wet wipes, roll on and deo! From what I’ve been told, it’s really not worth waiting in a mile long line to take a cold shower with a thousand strangers, and most prawns are still drunk by then, so the alternative is a quick wipe down in the comfort of your tent. Followed by a generous lathering of roll on and a spritz of deo. Tada! Sssssssssssskoon!

  1. Bring your f*@ken friends!


Oom Jack knows what he’s talking about! Bring the good lot of your friends. Your first time should always be special (I know, I know, I’m bleeding clichés here, but if the shoe fits…). Seriously though, memorable moments are bound to be made and you’re probably going to want to have your people around you every step of the way. It’s easier to set up camp with a team of people around, especially if you suck at camping. And the MVPs of the team usually consist of one to start the braai, one to try pitching the tents, and one to pour the brandy (DIBS)!

Having your friends with you also lowers the risk of you getting lost in Mordor within the first hour, so have a buddy system.

  1. If you do get lost, don’t be shy! Make new friends!


For us noobs, getting lost is bound to happen, so if you stumble upon random strangers, grow a pair and say hey. In my experience of other music fests when I got lost, the strangers that found me handed me a beer! It’s a win-win!

  1. Hou op ‘n P*@S wees!


Don’t be a chop bro, just braai one. We’re all there to have a great time and enjoy the music. Don’t be that guy who ruins it for everyone. There is no time for douchebaggery amongst prawns.

  1. Thanks for the memories!


Take as many pics as you can, and make new friends. Check out as many of the acts as humanly possible because the line up is ridiculously awesome! And PS, check out the Grind Radio peeps at our best!

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